Be-Witched?

A long time ago, in a city far, far away, lived a young girl who had dreams, visions, and saw and heard spirits, aka ghosts. When the child inquired of her mother, who also had foretelling dreams, as to how this could be, she answered quite blythely, "Oh, I suppose it's because we're witches."

My mother doesn't recall that conversation now, as it's been forty-five years ago, and she is advanced in her years. She swears by all that is holy that she would never have said such a thing. Yet, she most certainly did.

I remember how startled I was to hear her reply, and from that time on, wondered at its possibility, or probability. You see, her own grandfather was a member of the Spiritualist Church, holding seances and probably reading tarot cards, and the like. I don't know for sure about the cards, but Mom did say he held seances. So, why is it, then, that she found me to be so "weird" and "strange" when I told her about the ghosts I heard and saw? If one member of our family had the "gift", then couldn't it have possibly been handed down through the genes?

Throughout my life, I've been accused of being a witch. Some said it simply because when they entered my house, they saw many candles about. I truly don't believe that qualifies me as a witch, seriously. But, there have been many other instances whereupon I've met complete strangers who have looked me in the eye and said, "Oh, you're one of those! You have the gift!" I laughed at them, thinking they were joking, but their expressions did not change. They continued to stare into my eyes, and insisted vehemently.

I must admit that my life has been full of unexplained phenomena, and spiritual happenings. I've had more prophetic dreams than I care to admit, and even had dreams of things that happened to other people, that I could NOT have known about, as I wasn't present, nor did I ever know these people! But as I would recant the dream to someone else who did know, without my knowledge, and they would be completely astonished and asked me how I could possibly know!

Could I call any of them coincidences? Well, of course, as some things do just happen, right?
But, there have been many, many events which could not be explained away so easily.

When I was a child, I played with my sister and the kids I babysat for, and learned that I could "read their minds"! It was truly eerie to them, but amazed me beyond belief. At first, to me, it became a fun game which I played as often as possible, just to freak people out. But, from that time, on, I've honed a skill, which has shown me more than what people have on their minds! I've actually visualized, or seen what they were doing at any given time, which is NOT always a blessing. It did help me to confirm a suspicion once, that my husband was cheating on me. When he came home and I described to him the situation in detail, which had just taken place that very afternoon on his lunch break, his face went pale and he nearly fell out of his chair! He was seriously afraid of me from that point until we separated. Unfortunately, it was because of the heartache that I felt from that experience, that I ceased attempting it any further.

However, using basically this same technique in my work in the spiritual realm has yielded much happier results, and put many spirits and frightened households at peace. I quite enjoy my gift when it gives everyone concerned peace and happiness.

Most recently, my boss asked me to visit with her over a period of a week. On about the third day, she asked me what I thought of her house. I told her it felt very historical, very ancestral, and occupied by someone other than herself. She then asked me to identify the center of this residency. I immediately went to her office, which had been used previously as a second bedroom. I felt a sad and angry presence, that made the room feel dark and heavy. We then went about the house, burning sage and sweetgrass. We went into her livingroom where I began to apply my well-honed technique, and discovered a woman and her daughters there. She had lived on the property very many years prior and didn't want to leave. She loved her home, in fact. It appeared that she was so sad after having lost her husband, that she could not leave her daughters. I wasn't sure what the exact situation was, whether she had committed suicide after murdering her daughters, or if they'd been killed all together in some unexpected tragedy. But, she wasn't about to leave. She had another daughter, a very small child, who had died years before her, and this mother missed her and longed for her, but was afraid to leave her other two daughters behind, and as a matter of fact, downright refused to leave them. She was holding them close to her body when I discovered her. They were all sad, and the mother was angry.

When I told her she had to leave, that this house was not her home, that she had a husband and another child to go home to, she was afraid to let go. Suddenly, out of nowhere, came this middle-aged man, who scooped the ladies up on the handlebars of a bicycle and laughed as he pedaled them all away! When my boss asked his name, I told her what he said, and she began crying. She asked me to describe him, and as I did, she cried even harder, and when I mentioned the bicycle and the color of it, she broke out with, "Daddy, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry about the bike. I promise I didn't mean to!"
With that, I watched the four spirits fade away, and I opened my eyes and saw my boss sobbing into her hands.

After she recomposed herself, she explained to me about her dad and the bike, and that she wondered why "he" came to her rescue at that time. I told her, he still came to visit her from time to time, and he had been keeping his eye on the situation, but needed her to finally recognize that they were there and that she had to desire to have them removed. He was only all too willing to take them away and let her relax, as apparently, their presence had depressed her home for a very long time. She still gets bits of things happening in the house from time to time, but she herself has a gift which she's not willing to acknowledge since she's more afraid of possessing it, than living with ghosts in her house.

Anyway, after all had been said and done, she actually said, "I never knew a real witch before!" I was stunned! I laughed and said, "Well, I'm not a witch, actually. I've studied under many Native American "medicine men", who have taught me much, but my gift came to me when I was a child. I may have been born with it. I would prefer to be considered a "Medicine or Holy" woman than a witch."

I don't delve into witchcraft and spells. I don't attend any covens or ceremonies dealing with witches. Yet, I suppose, depending on one's point of view, I could possibly "be-witched"?

And The Snakes Came

This will be one of those promised "weird" posts, so, all I ask is please read with an open mind.

When I was a child I used to always have dreams about snakes. Of course, I attributed it to the time when I was helping my best friend clear a field for planting. I got something in my eye, and was rubbing it, when through the blur I noticed what appeared to be a stick laying across my new shoe. I reached down to pick it up and toss it, but the stick came to life and wriggled right up my leg! My immediate reaction, along with screaming, was the kick it hard and take off running for the house! I had kicked it so hard, apparently, that my friend's dad found it coiled around a fence post all the way down at the other end of the field!

So, I decided that my dreams were simply a subconscious reminder of that event. But, as I was at church one Sunday, the pastor was preaching and suddenly he pointed at me directly, and shouted, "And if YOU have been dreamin' of snakes, you better get down here to this altar and beg God for forgiveness, because YOU must be sinnin'!" Well, you better believe I jumped up from my seat and ran to the altar, begging God to forgive me of whatever sins I must have unknowingly committed!

Still, over the years, I continued to dream of snakes. They came in all sizes and colors, and they never attacked me. As a matter of fact, for the most part, they seemed to be trying to tell me something.

When I was thirty-something, I met an Indian man at a Native American art museum, who invited me to his house for dinner. I, being of Cherokee and Chippewa descent, was honored to receive such an invitation. From then on, I was introduced to many Native Americans of all different tribes. I became more involved with the Native community and over time was taught many of their beliefs, traditions and customs.

At one point, I met a man, who I was to learn later was a "Medicine Man", a spiritual teacher. We spent many days and nights discussing things that were spiritual in nature, and comparing their beliefs with my own Pentecostal Christian upbringing. When we got to talking about different "Totem Animals" or Spirit Guides, I asked him about what the snake meant. Having been raised that snakes were the incarnate representatives of all that was evil and satanic, I fully expected him to cringe and back away from me, sending me on my evil way. But, to my delight, he smiled and told me something that finally put my spirit to rest.

He explained to me that in their belief, the snake was a messenger between the Earth Mother and the Creator. The snake spends its entire life closest to the ground. It can hear the heartbeat and the cries and prayers from the earth. It then climbs as high as it can and sends those prayers and pleas to God, the Creator. While I understood that this was simply symbolism, it started to help me to understand more about my dreams.

The snake also represents constant renewal, the shedding off of the old and living with the new. That there is constant change taking place over our lifetimes and we must be willing to shake off all the old things of our lives and accept the new things and events that are to take place.

Suddenly, I understood that the snakes in my dreams were messengers to me from God. Perhaps, the snake was my "totem animal", my "spirit guide". Once I started paying more attention to them in my dreams, their particular colors, their particular species, and their movements during my dream, I came to understand their messages. I also noticed that every time they came to my dreams, it was when I was faced with a serious life changing decision. In interpreting their movements, they've yet to fail me in helping me come to a decision. I've noticed that if they move forward, I, too, should move forward with what I'd been considering in my life. If they turn around and go back, I know I'm moving in the wrong direction. If they stop and look me in the face and don't go in either direction, I'm to stop and think about what I'm planning to do. That it's not a time to make a move, yet. I'm to take my time and pray on it.

So, while I'm still afraid of physical snakes, I'm not so afraid of them in my dreams. I know they're telling me something to help me in my life. It certainly causes me to stop and consider everything. And, who am I to say that God does NOT use other spirits to His good and for our own? We never know what form God will take or how he will send his angels to us. They might not all have golden hair and wings, you know!

You, You...Mother!

Ok, so this one isn't going to be the most outlandish blog you're going to read, but I didn't say that ALL of my life experiences were unbelievable! :)

So, I ask you, if you could be a mother all over again, I mean from scratch, from the very VERY beginning, would you?

Would I???

You bet I would! I must admit, I would have chosen a better first husband and father to my first child. Yeah, that certainly would have been changed. My second husband and father to the rest of my children was a good choice, though. But, I'm not here to talk about the fathers. They'll get their due next month.

Having become a mother has been the highest privilege from God our Creator! I can say this, even though, I lost a son. Granted, I had precious little time with him. Actually, no time at all in his conscious life. But, I still loved him. I looked forward to holding him and having him in my life, with our family. I could feel him moving around, and making his presence known to me. I planned for him. God had promised him to me. Yes, God had promised him to me, but He didn't say I could keep him here with me. I ended up holding his tiny lifeless body in my hands, crying out, grieving, asking God "But, why, God? Why?". Well, God knows how much we can handle. My son, having a brain tumor, would have suffered, and so would our family have at that time. But God doesn't take away without giving something back, as nearly a year later, He blessed me with another son I was allowed to keep! But, you see, now I have TWO sons I get to keep, because I know my first son is still with me in spirit, and he'll be waiting for me when it's time to go meet him. And, He blessed me with two beautiful strong daughters, as well. They're different as night and day, but they're my treasures!

So, now, on to what I learned from the three little blessings God let me keep here on earth. My children taught me how to cuddle and comfort, even though my own mother wasn't one of those cuddly types. It didn't come easily, though. I wasn't so cuddly with my first daughter. I didn't know how to do that. But by the time I had my second daughter, I started to become a more loving mom. I just wish I'd been that way more with my first one. I had learned from my mother how to be very strict, even to the point of abuse, which I hate to admit. I hated that part of my mother. I had vowed never to be like her in that respect, but as they say, "Children learn what they live"...AND, they live what they learn. Mom had received NO affection, and had learned abuse from her parents, so that's the only thing she felt she could pass on to us kids. Where my mom and I differ, though, is that where I learned by watching other Moms, mainly on all those old TV shows, how to cuddle and love on my children, my mom hated seeing people like that. She saw them as sickening sweet phonies! The most affection I ever got from my mother, was a goodnight kiss. There were never hugs or cuddling. Sadly, she hates that even to this day.

But, there was a side to mom that was a bit nicer and more fun. From time to time, when she was in a playful mood, which was rare, she taught me dances like the Fox Trot and the Charleston. This was something I held dear to my heart over the years, and I carried that over into my own life with my kids. I danced with my girls in the livingroom to music videos on TV. My son taught me how to marenge and salsa, which he'd learned from his friend's mom, who was a Latina. Dancing with my children was my most treasured moments and memories. Probably because that had been the best time I had ever shared with my own mom.

By the time I had my third child, my son, I learned how to laugh at silly things, as he was a born clown. I eventually learned what was important to deal with, and what to let go. I learned what called for punishment, and what could be dealt with sufficiently with stern reprimands. I learned patience, although there were moments when it was stretched beyond its limits and, I admit, I lost it more than once. But, I found it again later on, when it was most needed. Good thing I usually put it where it belonged...like in my heart. It was easier to find that way.

My children now reside within my heart 24/7 since they've all left the nest a long time ago, and have all made lives of their own. I carry them with me wherever I go. And, not just the children I gave birth to, either. I've moved into my heart many children over the years who have called me "Mom", and they, too have been counted among my greatest blessings. And then there's always the multitude of family pets which I mothered. And, here I am at over 50 years of age and I'm still mothering youngin's. While out doing the Renaissance Festivals, I've come across many young wayward souls who all have needed a shoulder, a hug or advice. Mom's are always full of that, you know. We also have broader shoulders than any football player in the NFL! Go ahead, pile it on, we can take it!

I have to say that being a mother, starting at age 19 has been my greatest accomplishment.
No matter the pain, the heartache and heart break. No matter the many times I've felt that I failed miserably as a mother, and no matter the disappointments experienced from both sides, I've still never regretted being a Mother. My greatest joys have been watching the changes in my children as they grew. I love sharing in their successes and being there for them when they feel they can't figure out life on their own. Helping them to understand that life just isn't fair all the time. Standing beside them as they make difficult choices that affect not just themselves, but everyone around them. Crying and laughing with them.

The hardest thing was praying for their safety as they left the nest, one at a time, testing their wings, and then praising God for keeping them safe and well. I'm proud of growing them up to be the awesome adults they've become. My heart just bursts with love and pride for each one of them.

Now I smile the most when I get a surprise visit, or a phone call from one of them telling me of their latest success or new experience or date, or when they say, "Mom, do you have time to talk? I really need you now." A lump forms in my throat and stays there until the conversation ends with, "Thanks, Mom. I'm glad we could talk. I feel better now.". That makes me know I done good!

I've been called many things in my life, but being called a Mother has been the most rewarding and satisfying. Even when someone was angry with me and spouted, "You, you....MOTHER!" I just smiled and said proudly, "Why, yes, I am, thank you!"
So, I just want to say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL YOU MOTHERS OUT THERE!

A Trip and a Fall Down Memory Lane, Intro.

I've been told by many over the years that I should write a book about my life experiences. Well, I don't have a lot of confidence in actually trying to get a publisher to put it out on the market. Besides, they'd really have a tough time trying to determine if what I write is fiction or not!

My life truly has been anything but normal. But, then, what is normal? By whose standards should I weigh my life experiences? If I weren't "me", however, I'd have to agree with many, that some of what I've been through has truly been outrageous, and quite unbelievable, even to me! I've had someone ask me "Just how many lives have you lived?", and my own sister asked me, "Sharon, what HAVEN'T you done?". I have been the subject of cruel and outright ridicule from my family, most of all, but they haven't lived my life. As a matter of fact, I lived far away from my family for 30 years because of their ridicule and hurtful comments. And, when you live outside of your family shelter, you expose yourself to a plethora of outside influences and get the opportunity to be exposed to many different lifestyles and situations. Such has been my life.
And, for better or for worse, it all has happened, just as I will share here from time to time. It might make for interesting and entertaining reading if you get bored enough to peruse my blogs, but it's going to be a project for me. It'll help me to put into black and white all the things I'm afraid will be wiped from my memory over the next few years.

Will it be of any help or consequence to those who happen upon my writings? That is only for the Creator God to know and decide. I'm sure He will direct those to my blogs who either need a laugh, or uplifting. And those who might be seeking answers to questions they've been afraid to ask, for fear of being ridiculed by family and friends. Perhaps, what I tell here will help someone to make a life-changing decision, or it will help someone to just have a good cry and wash all the crap out of their systems. Who knows? Only God knows. But, I will do my best to make each entry as clear and educational and entertaining as I possibly can.

I welcome comments, but please be kind, no matter how outlandish you may feel my life stories are. As my mother always used to say to me, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Well, I honestly don't expect all comments to be filled with roses and sunshine, but please don't be hurtful. Do feel free to share your own experiences, as they relate to each subject. I'd love to read about them!