You, You...Mother!

Ok, so this one isn't going to be the most outlandish blog you're going to read, but I didn't say that ALL of my life experiences were unbelievable! :)

So, I ask you, if you could be a mother all over again, I mean from scratch, from the very VERY beginning, would you?

Would I???

You bet I would! I must admit, I would have chosen a better first husband and father to my first child. Yeah, that certainly would have been changed. My second husband and father to the rest of my children was a good choice, though. But, I'm not here to talk about the fathers. They'll get their due next month.

Having become a mother has been the highest privilege from God our Creator! I can say this, even though, I lost a son. Granted, I had precious little time with him. Actually, no time at all in his conscious life. But, I still loved him. I looked forward to holding him and having him in my life, with our family. I could feel him moving around, and making his presence known to me. I planned for him. God had promised him to me. Yes, God had promised him to me, but He didn't say I could keep him here with me. I ended up holding his tiny lifeless body in my hands, crying out, grieving, asking God "But, why, God? Why?". Well, God knows how much we can handle. My son, having a brain tumor, would have suffered, and so would our family have at that time. But God doesn't take away without giving something back, as nearly a year later, He blessed me with another son I was allowed to keep! But, you see, now I have TWO sons I get to keep, because I know my first son is still with me in spirit, and he'll be waiting for me when it's time to go meet him. And, He blessed me with two beautiful strong daughters, as well. They're different as night and day, but they're my treasures!

So, now, on to what I learned from the three little blessings God let me keep here on earth. My children taught me how to cuddle and comfort, even though my own mother wasn't one of those cuddly types. It didn't come easily, though. I wasn't so cuddly with my first daughter. I didn't know how to do that. But by the time I had my second daughter, I started to become a more loving mom. I just wish I'd been that way more with my first one. I had learned from my mother how to be very strict, even to the point of abuse, which I hate to admit. I hated that part of my mother. I had vowed never to be like her in that respect, but as they say, "Children learn what they live"...AND, they live what they learn. Mom had received NO affection, and had learned abuse from her parents, so that's the only thing she felt she could pass on to us kids. Where my mom and I differ, though, is that where I learned by watching other Moms, mainly on all those old TV shows, how to cuddle and love on my children, my mom hated seeing people like that. She saw them as sickening sweet phonies! The most affection I ever got from my mother, was a goodnight kiss. There were never hugs or cuddling. Sadly, she hates that even to this day.

But, there was a side to mom that was a bit nicer and more fun. From time to time, when she was in a playful mood, which was rare, she taught me dances like the Fox Trot and the Charleston. This was something I held dear to my heart over the years, and I carried that over into my own life with my kids. I danced with my girls in the livingroom to music videos on TV. My son taught me how to marenge and salsa, which he'd learned from his friend's mom, who was a Latina. Dancing with my children was my most treasured moments and memories. Probably because that had been the best time I had ever shared with my own mom.

By the time I had my third child, my son, I learned how to laugh at silly things, as he was a born clown. I eventually learned what was important to deal with, and what to let go. I learned what called for punishment, and what could be dealt with sufficiently with stern reprimands. I learned patience, although there were moments when it was stretched beyond its limits and, I admit, I lost it more than once. But, I found it again later on, when it was most needed. Good thing I usually put it where it belonged...like in my heart. It was easier to find that way.

My children now reside within my heart 24/7 since they've all left the nest a long time ago, and have all made lives of their own. I carry them with me wherever I go. And, not just the children I gave birth to, either. I've moved into my heart many children over the years who have called me "Mom", and they, too have been counted among my greatest blessings. And then there's always the multitude of family pets which I mothered. And, here I am at over 50 years of age and I'm still mothering youngin's. While out doing the Renaissance Festivals, I've come across many young wayward souls who all have needed a shoulder, a hug or advice. Mom's are always full of that, you know. We also have broader shoulders than any football player in the NFL! Go ahead, pile it on, we can take it!

I have to say that being a mother, starting at age 19 has been my greatest accomplishment.
No matter the pain, the heartache and heart break. No matter the many times I've felt that I failed miserably as a mother, and no matter the disappointments experienced from both sides, I've still never regretted being a Mother. My greatest joys have been watching the changes in my children as they grew. I love sharing in their successes and being there for them when they feel they can't figure out life on their own. Helping them to understand that life just isn't fair all the time. Standing beside them as they make difficult choices that affect not just themselves, but everyone around them. Crying and laughing with them.

The hardest thing was praying for their safety as they left the nest, one at a time, testing their wings, and then praising God for keeping them safe and well. I'm proud of growing them up to be the awesome adults they've become. My heart just bursts with love and pride for each one of them.

Now I smile the most when I get a surprise visit, or a phone call from one of them telling me of their latest success or new experience or date, or when they say, "Mom, do you have time to talk? I really need you now." A lump forms in my throat and stays there until the conversation ends with, "Thanks, Mom. I'm glad we could talk. I feel better now.". That makes me know I done good!

I've been called many things in my life, but being called a Mother has been the most rewarding and satisfying. Even when someone was angry with me and spouted, "You, you....MOTHER!" I just smiled and said proudly, "Why, yes, I am, thank you!"
So, I just want to say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL YOU MOTHERS OUT THERE!